


Miracles in December

by zkdloeyn



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College Boyfriends, Fluff, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, blind!sehun, filmmaker sehun, radio host jongdae, radiohost!jongdae, young adult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zkdloeyn/pseuds/zkdloeyn
Summary: After the accident that took his sight, Sehun only finds comfort listening to the radio, especially the 'Healing Night with Jongdae' program.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen & Oh Sehun, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Oh Sehun, Oh Sehun/Kim Jongdae
Comments: 12
Kudos: 34
Collections: Calm Before The Storm FicFest Round 1





	Miracles in December

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! There will be some Filipino 90's pop culture references in this fic due to its setting. It won't be difficult to carry along but if you're interested, you can check them out. It's because this fic is originally written in Filipino. English is not my first language, so please bear with me! I did my best kahit my nose is blooding! (even if my nose is bleeding!) Enjoy! :D
> 
> TW: slight mentions of death

* * *

"Sehun, my dear, Kyungsoo's here--"

Silence. Sehun's mom didn't bother to finish her sentence as soon as she saw his son's pained expression. The young man was staring straight at his mother as if he can _actually_ see her. He could only guess that his eyes landed on top of her head, over her shoulder, or anywhere near her.

He slowly rose from the bed, hands stretched anticipating that he would bump onto something. "Tell him to go away."

"Son… you can't do this to yourself…"

"I don't want to see him," Sehun clenched his teeth as soon as he has reached his study table. "Oh… I won't be able to, anyway, right?"

Little did he know, his bestfriend was right behind his mother, waiting for his permission to let him in. Before, Kyungsoo could just barge into Sehun's room without any notice. They would spend hours and hours either watching films particularly made by Lino Brocka, playing The Legend of Zelda on their Super Nintendo, or just blasting out famous songs of Eraserheads or Rivermaya.

But since that accident happened--the accident that took Sehun's sight--it has never been the same for all of them. Much more to Sehun.

Sehun's mom turned around to face Kyungsoo who was dismayed by what he heard. It's been almost 2 months since he had a proper conversation with his best friend and he couldn't just leave him alone, not when he knows Sehun needs full support.

He looked at the bulky, silver radio cassette he has been holding for a while. His arms were becoming numb due to its weight, but it was fine. Kyungsoo wanted to give this to Sehun to accompany him on lonely nights.

"I'll just put this beside him, _tita_ , and I'll leave," Kyungsoo whispered. Sehun's mom smiled and nodded.

Kyungsoo quietly stepped inside the room and went near Sehun's study table. He placed the radio cassette on it, plugged in the cord, retracted its long antenna, and turned on the radio. The sudden noise made Sehun stumble, but good thing Kyungsoo was able to reach for his hand. "Hey. It's just me."

Sehun turned his head away from the direction where Kyungsoo's voice came from. "I said go away--"

"Hey," Kyungsoo pinched Sehun, just like the old times when they would bicker. "I know you hate everything right now. I know you're scared and mad. But please, Sehun… don't push us away. We're here for you."

"You can say that because you can see… I can't, Soo. It's so dark in here."

Kyungsoo wanted to say something but he couldn't find the right words. He could only sigh in defeat which made the taller smile in despair.

Sehun reached for the radio cassette and fumbled it. This was what Kyungsoo had promised to give him on Christmas, but he guessed his bestfriend wanted to cheer him up so bad that Christmas eve couldn't wait. They still have more than a month to go.

"Is the _parol_ outside pretty? Which one did _Mama_ hang?"

Kyungsoo looked at the lanterns hanging right outside Sehun's window. He smiled at the sight of twinkling blue, red, yellow, and green lights patterned with different shapes and sizes. " _Tita_ put up your favorite one, Sehun."

"Too bad I won't be able to see it anymore."

"Hey…"

"Thank you for this," Sehun tapped the radio cassette. Kyungsoo noticed how Sehun's eyes were roaming around like they were trying to find his own pair. "Please, go home, Kyungsoo."

Even if the taller cannot see, Kyungsoo still nodded. "Okay."

Sehun heard his best friend's footsteps walk away and the door shut. With the darkness now surrounding him, his sense of touch and hearing had heightened. The radio cassette static along with the humming of cicadas outside was filling his room. He found a knob and turned it up.

"Tsk," he immediately brought it back down as soon as it got loud. Aha… it was the volume knob. He tried turning another one and Jolina Magdangal's song _T.L. Ako Sa 'Yo_ suddenly plays. "Corny."

_"And now for our Mega Lotto 6/45 draw, here are the lucky numbers: 12, 21--"_

He turns the knob again. For a while, he was annoyed by the fact that a lot of people still hope to win the lottery. What are the chances of winning? Is it the same as with the chances of getting blind?

_"Hail Mary, full of grace! The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among wome--"_

After what happened to him, he does not believe in gods anymore. For Sehun, the evening 6 o'clock Novena prayer is only just an indicator of time.

He decided to turn it again and swore to himself that if anything decent won't come out from the radio, he'll just turn it off. It's a waste of time and energy. If only Sehun could find his new Cueshé album he bought last year, he'd just pop it in and listen but--

_"Oh! Hahaha…"_

He froze as soon as he heard a laugh coming from the radio. It was melodious, smooth, and warm. Sehun finds himself smiling at the sound of the man's laughter.

 _"Thank you to Ms. April, the sender of the last letter…"_ The man clears his throat. _"Well… I'm not sure how to respond to your sudden confession. But I am grateful that you tune in to my program every time we're on-air."_

Sehun tilts his head. It's not like he's an avid fan of radio programs, but he's never heard of the man before. Still, it didn’t stop him from listening further.

 _"Ms. April mentioned something about changing of the seasons in her letter. In seasons, there are a lot of times when our mood goes up and down… I think I started feeling blue too, now that our weather's getting colder. Christmas is approaching, but why do we feel extremely sad?"_ A short pause. Sehun pulls the chair that he's sure it's beside him and slowly sits. His mind becomes calm, something that he hasn’t experienced for a while. He crosses his arms and lets them rest on the table, his head follows on top of it. He closes his eyes. All he could think of is the voice on the radio.

_"Sure, there are scientific answers to this question, but sometimes we would rather not listen to them… instead, we just want to hear comforting words, like an assurance, solace. That it's okay to be terrified of the unknown, to feel distraught, and to have someone to confide our fears to and just hold us when we can no longer stand on our own…"_

_Shit._ Why does it feel like he knows Sehun's thoughts?

_Don't worry… your feelings and emotions are valid."_

Sehun clenches his fist as hot tears start to form in his eyes.

_"When even breathing feels hard and tears rise… Sometimes, you can just hide and cry. You can do that because it'll pass. Because morning will come again, and then you can live with a light heart. Cry today in darkness, then you can peacefully accept and face the following mornings."_

He didn’t need to want words of encouragement or anything that will make him happy that will make him forget about the accident. All Sehun wanted was to lash out and get angry with the world. He had so many dreams to fulfill but in just one snap, everything goes down in the drain. He was a promising film student; a young man who aspires to bag the FAMAS Awards' Best Director and Best Picture. He was getting there, he's so close… until some reckless bastard had to ruin all of it by taking away his eyesight in a traffic accident.

But after hearing the man on the radio, he realized that the world isn't so bad after all.

_"And with that, I would like to end tonight's segment by playing this week's most requested song: Eraserheads' 'With A Smile.' This has been Healing Night with Jongdae giving you warmth every Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays at 6 pm here on MOR 148.5."_

The familiar song played on the radio that cued the end of the program. The lyrics felt so right with what the man had said earlier like it was intended for this segment. And somehow, Sehun got a little hope that there are better days to come… that he'll _get by, with a smile…_

 _Healing Night with Jongdae_ , huh.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_TUESDAY, November 9, 1999_ **

_"Have you ever wondered why some things just don't go the way you wanted them to?"_

"Always."

_"That it seems like everybody have figured out what they want to do in their lives and have their future all planned out and here you are…. Asking yourself how the hell they do it…"_

"Like they're the boss of their own, yup."

_"You know, guys… I wasn't so sure if broadcasting is for me in the first place. I wanted to take anything related to media but I never imagined myself sitting inside a radio studio. Yet here I am, lucky to have landed a radio program host while still in my internship as a senior college student! But it wasn't handed to me on a plate; it took me hundreds of hours to work on where I am right now."_

Sehun leans forward in surprise. They're the same age.

_"So… what I'm trying to say is, let things flow naturally and at the same time, make an effort to see some changes in our lives. We all have different paths to cross and we won't even know if the journey's going to be a smooth one. Take chances, make decisions, commit to it, accept mistakes, failure, and disappointment. Instead of questioning others, start asking yourselves: have you went outside and did something one step closer to your goals?"_

"I don't want to go outside anymore, Jongdae."

_"Trust me. You would want to."_

Sehun turns his head to his right where he remembers the door was located. As if he's actually staring at it, he bores holes on the door while crumpling his forehead. The last time he went out, he toppled and landed with his face on the floor, all while people around him either watched him in pity or laughing at him for being a dumb blind person.

Should he do it again?

As if on cue, he heard the door open. "Honey… would you like to accompany me to the _plaza_ and buy _puto bumbong_?"

"Ma…"

 _"It's now or never."_ He heard the man on the radio.

"Ah… It's okay, my son. I'll just ask Pedring to buy--"

"No, ma…" Sehun gulps. He reaches for the radio and turns it off. "I'll come with you."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_FRIDAY, November 19, 1999_ **

"Hey, Sehun… why are you holding the radio like that?" Kyungsoo looks at his bestfriend in amusement. Finally, Sehun tries to become friendly with him again and even inviting him to his house for dinner.

Kyungsoo can sense how Sehun's state has improved a lot since the last time he saw him. Sehun's mom had bragged over the phone how Sehun has become sociable to other people. Although he's still having a hard time navigating the place, he's coped up with the changes. He even asked his mom to describe the Christmas decoration she has put up for this year.

He's back to being _mama's boy_.

"Is it already 6 PM, Kyungsoo? Hurry, help me turn this thing on…" His best friend stands up and plugged in the cord beside the dining table. They've decided to hang out in a different spot which is the dining area. Sehun was the one who suggested it, stating quote, 'I feel stuffy inside my bedroom,' unquote.

Kyungsoo turns the volume up. "It's 10 minutes past six. Why?"

"Oh, no."

"What 'oh no'?"

Sehun's mother chimes in. "He's gonna miss Jongdae."

" _Po_? Who's Jongdae?"

"Let me rephrase that, Soo… He's gonna miss the Healing Night with Jongdae program," Sehun's mom chuckles and stares at her son in delight. "Ever since he discovered this new radio program on Wish 148.5, there's not a single Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday he missed just to listen to that young man's life advice. I must say, that Jongdae is really good at what he's doing; Sehun's condition got better because of him. He also made me skip a couple of evening Novenas last week. Oh, may the Lord forgive me!"

Kyungsoo smiles at his _tita_ 's remark. He's happy that Sehun and his mom had found comfort during these times of hardships. He thought they could never recover from the traumatic incident, but seeing how Sehun's focused on making the radio work just to hear the said program speaks a lot. And now, he's curious about this Jongdae guy.

_"…someone trusted you and you end up disappointing them, may it be because of some uncontrollable circumstances."_

Kyungsoo assisted his bestfriend to get himself a seat. It's clear that Sehun doesn't care whether he falls on the floor or not while trying to sit down; his 100% attention was on the guy on the radio. He knows; it's the same concentration the taller gives whenever he watches a movie or directing short films.

He's proud of his bestfriend and grateful towards Jongdae. Kyungsoo can't help but agree with what Sehun's mom had said about him earlier.

They continued to listen to Jongdae without a single word uttered. It's just Sehun's mom peeling _kiat-kiat_ for the two boys who were so focused on listening to some of the greatest life advice she had heard of.

_"And before we end our program for tonight, I would like to make an announcement. Starting next week, we are--"_

"Huh?"

"Oh my god! Nobody move, alright?! I'll just go get some candles."

Sehun grabs his best friend's arm. "What? What happened? Who turned off the radio?"

"No one did, Sehun. _Brownout_!" Kyungsoo said. He reaches for a piece of carton that probably came from the box of groceries, sturdy enough to produce air when fanned. He fans himself and Sehun in turns. "The electricity went out. Let's just stay here, Sehun. It's too dark."

"Well… try being under _brownout_ probably for the rest of your life," It's evident on Sehun's voice that he became frustrated. "Wait… Jongdae was about to make an announcement! I don't want to miss it, oh no…"

"Don't worry, the electricity will be back in no time."

"By then the program would have ended! We won't be able to hear it!" Kyungsoo was so sure Sehun's nostrils are flaring. He chuckles at the thought. "Don't tease me like that!"

"Sorry, can't help it. It seems like you grew fond of this Jongdae, huh?"

Sehun sighs. The cicadas and frogs outside were becoming loud due to the absence of Jongdae's voice coming from the radio. The emptiness and darkness between them suddenly become unbearable for him. "It's just that… whenever I listen to him, it's like everything he says is true and righteous. He healed me, Kyungsoo. I know we won't be able to meet someday and even if we do, I won't be able to know what he looks like. He's a mystery to me that I'm dying to know."

"Whoa, lover boy! Where did that come from?" Kyungsoo laughs. "But I know what you mean. Don't worry, we'll figure something out, okay? I'm pretty sure we'll be able to know his announcement."

But 9 pm came and the lights still haven't returned. Sehun became restless.

He just hopes that the announcement isn't really that important…

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_FRIDAY, November 26, 1999_ **

_"Time check: it's 6:24 in the evening. This program is brought to you by Ivory soap; Cali; Cathay Pacific; New Modess Spirit; and Mobiline Digital: Now you're talking!"_

For the nth time of the week, Sehun facepalms and sighs in disappointment. In his frustration, he hasn't heard of Jongdae's voice for a week now. He doesn't get it. He tunes in to the same radio frequency right at the same time he has been doing since he discovered _Healing Night with Jongdae_. He even left the radio on beyond its airing time in case it was moved to late timeslots and yet, there's no sign of Jongdae or anything about the program.

Sehun believes it has got to do with the announcement he mentioned last Friday. Maybe he decided to end the program for good or they got a new radio host… or maybe not? Jongdae isn't the type to do something like that; he had mentioned before how he has become to like his newly-found passion. Maybe they just changed the concept? But why can't Sehun find him anymore?

He feels like the heavens just took back a precious gift that was given to him in the first place.

THE NEXT day, he woke up to the sound of Kyungsoo's voice calling--shouting, rather--his name.

He places his blanket over his head. Not that it's cold… he just can't sleep without fiddling the fringe of his blanket. You know, the part where there is a loose thread. He does the same with his _Good Morning_ towel.

"Sehun!! You've got to see this! Wake up!" Kyungsoo literally jumped on top of Sehun like he was some kind of wrestler from _WWE SmackDown_. "I know how to reach out to Jongdae!"

Sehun quickly sat up, causing his bestfriend to fall on his butt. "WHAT?! How?!"

"Wow, thanks a lot for helping me!" The smaller sarcastically said as he stood up. He looks at his bestfriend who still has eye boogers and drools beside his lip. His gaze falls flat on the floor, still guessing where Kyungsoo has landed. "Anyway, my sources say that Jongdae turns out to be an _isko_ , too! Dude, the radio host of _Healing with Jongdae Night_ has been walking among us on the campus. His name is Jongdae Kim from BroadComm!"

"It's _Healing Night with Jongdae_ , dumbass." Sehun frowns. "Are you sure? I've never heard of him before, not until I got blind and got hooked in his radio program."

"It must be because you've been blind all your life! Blinded by your passion for filmmaking! You never get to mingle with others, nor noticed the girls and guys flirting with you."

"It's just that I'm not interested in them."

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at him. If Sehun could see him right now, he probably poked his best friend's eyes. "Whatever! You should be thankful that I got that information for you. Now all you have to do is look for him on Plaridel Hall or at DZUP Headquarters. That's two Christmas gifts in a row from me!"

"Do you think I'll be able to find him there?"

"I don’t think so…" Kyungsoo flashes a sly smile. "I _know_ so."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_MONDAY, November 29, 1999_ **

Sehun cannot recall the last time he's been to their campus… actually, he was on his way to their university when the accident happened. Sehun was so excited because he was about to submit his short film for a local film festival and his professor had talked about it over the phone. He took the first jeepney trip to Diliman but he never made it to campus. The last thing he saw was a guy, probably around Sehun's age, absentmindedly crossing the road. The jeepney driver didn't notice him and made a sudden brake, causing them to get hit by an incoming four-wheeler truck. Some people died on board, but Sehun couldn't tell if he was lucky to be alive now that his sense of sight is gone.

He's sure that by now, the sun had already set and fewer people are hanging out at the Sunken Garden. Kyungsoo left him there around quarter to seven to meet a professor and had promised to come back in an hour. They have been looking for the radio host since 4 PM all around the campus but to no luck. It's difficult to be a blind man, you know. Sehun was so stubborn and didn't want to use a white cane. He's thankful for Kyungsoo's patience to accompany him this afternoon.

Blind people's sense of hearing and touch indeed heightens because they could only rely so much on what's left to them. Sehun can already feel the cold Christmas breeze, regretful that he didn't bring his plaid cardigan sweater. He can hear the familiar bell from the ice cream man roaming around the campus; it's like only yesterday when he witnessed a cute little incident of a guy spilling his chocolate _sorbetes_ on his white shirt. He chuckles at the thought.

" _Iho_ , would you like some ice cream? It's only 3 pesos per wafer cone, but I also have the sugar cone for only 8 pesos." The old man's voice went nearer from him. "I think I've seen you around before. Are you that student who always has his camcorder in his hand and takes videos of random people?"

"Uh… Y-yes, _manong_." Wanting to hide the fact that he had gone blind, Sehun tries to direct his eyes towards where he can hear the old man.

"I knew it! I haven’t seen you for a while. Are you taking your early Christmas break?" He can hear the vendor opening his tin ice cream container. Sehun can recall the odd designs plastered on it, boasting his Filipino pride. Still oblivious to the fact that Sehun cannot see, the old man extends his arm with a freshly-scooped cone of ice cream. "Here, have some jackfruit _-_ flavored _sorbetes._ You always buy this, if my memory serves me right."

" _Manong,_ I'm sorry but I don't have money--"

"Hi, _manong_! I'll have chocolate _sorbetes,_ please. And put his ice cream on my tab."

Sehun's eyes widened. _That voice_.

"Hey, _utoy_!" The vendor laughs. "Here, hold his ice cream for me, I'll have yours prepared."

The sound of the tin container was heard again, along with random noises from _ikot_ jeepney, from different people, and a _Parokya ni Edgar_ song blasted not far from them. But the sound that Sehun yearns for was from the man who spoke just now. He could not be mistaken; he would recognize that voice anywhere in a heartbeat.

Not being able to react, Sehun just sat still with his eyes wide open, lips parted. He then felt a warm, slightly calloused yet gentle hand hold his own, followed by something that felt rough and cold. He guesses it's the ice cream cone.

"Here, _utoy._ That would be 6 pesos."

Sehun heard the coins clink. "Thanks, _manong_! It's getting late, aren't you going to get home?"

"I'll try to sell a few more cones then I'll be on my way. See you around, _utoy, iho_!" The bells finally chimed away and Sehun tries to smile out of courtesy. It's a relief that the old man didn't ask further questions, maybe because he couldn't see him clearly from the shaded spot where Sehun is sitting.

A pause. He wasn't sure if the guy who treated him _sorbetes_ \--the same guy he's been searching for--had already left. He felt the ice cream trickle down on his fingers, sticky and cold.

"Oh, no… Your ice cream's melting!" The cone was suddenly taken away from Sehun and was replaced by a soft cloth. "Here, wipe your hand with my handkerchief."

"It's going to get soiled…"

He felt a few light steps coming followed by a figure sitting next to him. _So close…_ "Well, it's the hankie's job is to wipe away dirt, right? Come on."

Sehun smiled. Never in his dreams did he imagine he'd get to hear _this_ voice in person, just right beside him. It's like how the angels from above sound like as we enter the gates of heaven. Sehun faces where the voice comes from, hoping that his eyes had met his. Darkness was all he could see, but the star in front of him is shining brightly.

"So… I heard from _manong_ earlier that you like taking videos of random people. Is that your hobby?"

"Uh… sort of. I'm a Film student, also here in Diliman. I took those in case I needed them for my film projects."

Sehun could hear him licking his _sorbetes_. "I see. Is that why you're here? To film?"

"No. I… I'm looking for someone." He swears he could hear his own heart throbbing in nervousness. "I started to like this radio program called _Healing Night with Jongdae_ and I heard he's a BroadComm major here."

Oh, shoot. His mouth is running on its own! They both know that _he_ is the one Sehun's looking for!

He felt him shifted on his seat. Did he scare him?

"Really?" Contrary to what Sehun expected him to react, the young man sounds delighted. "Why are you looking for him?"

"Well… I think I may have missed his important announcement last November 19 due to a power interruption. I can’t seem to… to find _Healing Night with Jongdae_ on the radio anymore." He bits his lip. Should he also add the fact that he _adores_ his voice so much? "I'd like to ask him personally what happened to the program."

"Wow… You like the program so much that you have to ask in person…"

Sehun lowers his head. He's afraid to admit that the very reason was he's blind. "Yes. I gained so much strength after listening to his words. He lives up to the program's name, _Healing_ … I think I wouldn't be able to go on if it wasn't for that one random night when I heard his voice."

There was this silence that Sehun couldn't fathom if it's too comfortable or too awkward… no one dared to say a word, making him feel nervous than ever. If this was the old Sehun, he'd be brave and outspoken, confident that everything he says would make the other person feel intimidated. But why is he the one frightened right now?

"Well… You can ask me now," The radio host stood up. "Nice to meet you. I'm Jongdae Kim."

"I'm Sehun Oh… and I know you're Jongdae. I can recognize your voice anywhere."

Much to his surprise, Jongdae's jaw dropped. "You already knew it was me?!"

"Sorry… I just wanted to make sure it was you," Sehun pointed at his eyes. "I'm… I'm blind."

A smile formed across Jongdae's lips. He could see how the Film student struggled to say the truth, yet he courageously revealed it for him. Everything made sense now.

"And yet you didn't fail to see me," Jongdae's gaze falls at the tip of his shoe, biting his lip and mentally slapping himself for throwing that punchline. It's a good thing that the light from the lamp post doesn’t reach them or else his red flushed cheeks would be visible. He quickly changes the subject out of embarrassment. "The time slot was moved to Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, 5 pm until 6 pm."

"Oh… that explains it," Sehun starts fiddling the hem of the cloth he was holding. He remembered to give it back to the radio host. "I'll make sure to tune in to the right timeslot. Uh… here, sorry about your handkerchief."

"I'd rather you give it back to me washed and cleaned."

Sehun blinks rapidly, not sure how to react to what Jongdae had said. Is he… suggesting they should meet again? And if he returns the handkerchief washed, would they just meet abruptly? Is he doing this because Jongdae pities him? Because he's a fan of the program? Or is he just a neat freak?

"What I'm saying is…" Jongdae looks at the two melted ice cream on his hands. He forgot about it the minute he started talking to him. He needs the handkerchief right now, but he doesn't want to let this opportunity go to waste. "I'd like to invite you to my Wednesday segment."

"O-okay."

"C-cool. I'll meet you here at 4:30 PM so we can go together to the studio."

The Film major nods. "Okay."

In between the pauses and the sighs, Sehun grows more and more terrified to take the risk of meeting Jongdae again. It feels foreign for him to have someone new to his life, especially he couldn't see at all. But a part of him thinks it's going to be worth it.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_WEDNESDAY, December 1, 1999_ **

_"…to end our program here's Rivermaya's '214'. This has been_ Healing Night with Jongdae _giving you warmth every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays at 5 pm here on MOR 148.5."_

Sehun smiled as he heard Jongdae's ending ment. It feels surreal to be able to hear today's segment not through the radio, but through a free pass inside the very studio where the magic happens. The place smells brewed coffee, papers, and the faint scent of cologne that Sehun was able to catch from the radio host earlier on the way to the studio. It's like he has marked this place; he _runs_ this place.

The familiar song started to play and he heard a few, 'good job for today!' praises from everyone on the other side of the room. He can also hear Jongdae's voice, praising them too, all while he seems to get closer and closer to Sehun. Soon, a hand rests on his shoulder. "Hey. Did you enjoy today's program?"

"Definitely. You sound amazing, as always." Sehun stands up and gives the smaller a smile. He could only guess how tall Jongdae is based on his voice and how they walked side by side. Jongdae could only reach as far as up to Sehun's lips.

"Oh please don't flatter me too much," Jongdae could feel his cheeks heating up. He shakes his head. "But thank you."

"Jongdae! You did great today! Oh… is that your boyfriend?"

"He's cute!"

"Introduce us to him! Is that why you look so fresh today?"

"Does he have friends? Brothers?"

Few of Jongdae's coworkers gathered around them, which made Sehun a bit uncomfortable. Sure, a free pass has lots of perks, but it also comes with the inconvenience of him being blind.

"Why is he wearing sunglasses? It's dark in here."

He could feel Jongdae's hands hold his, standing in front of him in defense. Somehow, it made Sehun feel secured. "Ah, he's my friend… Excuse us for a bit, I'm feeling unwell…"

He pulled him out of the crowd, away from the peering, skeptical eyes. As soon as they got out of the studio, Jongdae linked his arms with Sehun to assist him in walking. "I'm sorry. Oh god, I'm really sorry about that. I should've known better. I know how difficult it is for you to--"

"Jongdae…" Sehun pauses. He faces the smaller, smiling at him in assurance. "It's okay. I'm okay. Thank you… for protecting me."

He sighs. "Still… I just wanted to make you happy."

"But you _did_ make me happy. I got to hear _Healing Night with Jongdae_ from the host himself." the taller removes his sunglasses. He's the one stupid enough for wearing one during nighttime.

"Uh… Would you… like to go somewhere else?"

"Is this… a date?" Sehun narrows his eyes. "I feel like I won in _The Dating Game_ with my idol."

"Uh-huh. Consider it as like that."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Miss, we'll have 2 orders of _kwek-kwek_ , _siomai_ , and _pantea_."

Sehun smiles at Jongdae's remark. _Pantea_. _Ate_ Vickie is witty to come up with the name of her product, making every _isko_ student and faculty member in Diliman laugh whenever they say their order. It's actually _Pandan_ Milk Tea which has been a staple street food embedded with their university's history. It's been ages since Sehun went here and he's glad to be able to taste _pantea_. Lol.

A cat purring went beside Sehun's foot. He could feel its tail wagging. _Meow_. And before he knew it, Jongdae was kneeling beside him to pet the cat. "Hey there, kitty…"

"Jongdae."

"Hmm?"

"Did you know… that the stuffing inside _Ate_ Vickie's _siomai_ recipe is ground meat of… cat?"

"What?!" He heard him laugh so hard. "Isn't that _siopao_?!"

"That's the point. They use the same stuffing."

Jongdae covers the ears of the cat. "Shh! The cat might get scared!"

"Yet you couldn't care less of what the staff might hear?" Sehun joins him in laughing. "Just kidding."

"Here, pet kitty's head." He felt Jongdae's hands lead him to the cat's head. As expected, it was soft, fuzzy, and gentle. The cat purrs again in delight.

As Jongdae puts the cat down, he felt a hand pat his head. "Soft, fuzzy, and gentle."

"They say I do look like a cat."

"I believe you look way better than a cat."

"Has anyone told you you're really good with your words?" He stands up and gets back to his seat. He wipes the cutleries he fetched earlier.

"Nope… But they always told me that I'm good at making stories… making films," The young man sighed. "Well… I used to."

"'Used to'? Sehun, your talent, your artistry does not change just because you've become blind."

"Have you seen or heard of a blind filmmaker? It doesn't make sense."

Jongdae pauses. He indeed uttered words that didn't make sense. "Then make it happen. Be the first blind filmmaker. Look, I know I sound ridiculous right now… but you have to try. We have to try. And if we fail, at least we have no regrets."

"I feel like I have my own _Healing Night with Jongdae_ session."

"Well, it's already evening, and you're literally with me. So… that counts," Jongdae said. He quickly gets up to get their orders and put them on their table. "Which one would you like to eat first? _Siomai_ or quail eggs?"

" _Kwek-Kwek_."

Jongdae sticks out the fork on the quail egg and dips it in the sweet sauce, then in the vinegar. "Say, 'ahh'."

"Huh--Ohhhhk." Sehun didn't expect an incoming _kwek-kwek_ going in his mouth. He chews it anyway then smiles.

"The _pantea_ is on your right side. Be careful." Jongdae said as he eats his own quail eggs.

Sehun playfully shakes his head while still chewing the food in his mouth. "I want _siomai_."

"You've still got quail eggs!"

"I'm just saying," he crosses his arms in a bossy way. "After I finish this."

The smaller bursts into laughter as he watches Sehun finish his food. Cute. Very cute.

The taller fishes something from his pocket. It's his checkered blue and white handkerchief he lends him the other day, all clean and fresh. "Here. My mom knew it wasn't mine and even teased me about it. I told her it's from you. Kid you not, she freaked out."

"What? Why?"

"She also listens to your program."

His eyes widened. "Oh gosh. I'm honored."

Sehun carefully reaches for his drink and sips. "She prefers listening to you now than praying with her radio Novena."

"I think I'm going to have minus points in heaven." Jongdae jokingly said as he picked a _siomai_ using Sehun's fork, dipping it to its soy sauce with calamansi and chili flakes. He also heard Sehun laugh. "Here's the _siomai_."

Sehun leans in and eats the food. A bit of the soy sauce trickles down beside Sehun's lip and Jongdae was quick to notice. He takes the handkerchief and wipes it.

"Was that your handkerchief? It's dirty again." For a while, Sehun got conscious because of the way Jongdae feeds him. What will others say? But on the second thought, he likes it. He likes being taken care of.

The former shrugs. "Hmm. More reason to meet you again, I guess?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_SATURDAY, December 4, 1999_ **

"Wow! Is this a camcorder?" Jongdae exclaimed. It's a nice Saturday afternoon and Sehun invited him to come over to his house over the phone. Yep… Sehun got his phone number!

Well, not really. Jongdae called his number using Sehun's phone and voluntarily saved it. Sehun has heard three versions of Jongdae's voice so far--his voice on the radio, voice over the phone, and voice that he can hear in person. The third one is his favorite.

"Oh, it's my Sehun's camcorder. He's into filmmaking," Sehun's mother was holding a tray full of snacks. "Here's juice, Jongdae. Make yourself at home. Sehun, take care of your friend, okay?"

"Thank you _po_ , ma'am," Jongdae said and sipped his drink.

"Oh, please. Just call me _tita_!"

"Thank you _po_ , _tita_." He repeated himself. Sehun's mom excused herself and they were left alone, talking about the camcorder.

"Here, let me turn it on." Sehun presses some buttons and flips the screen that Jongdae was not familiar with. The Film major points the camcorder to Jongdae, and the latter was able to see himself on the screen. He was amazed.

"Whoa… is it recording?" Jongdae waves at the camera. "Hi! I'm Jongdae Kim. Today, Sehun decided to open this camcorder again. I hope he'll be able to make a film soon! To Director Sehun Oh, you can do it! I can't wait for the story you'd like to tell."

"What kind of story would you like to see?" Sehun was trying his best to aim the camera at Jongdae.

"Hmm… The kind of story that will show how you worked hard in achieving your dreams again."

The former cheekily asked, "Would you like to star in my film?"

"Oh, my! I'm a radio host, not an actor," Jongdae responded to his tease. He cups his face, looking all shy. "Well, if you insist! I'd like to be part of it, even if I'm only an extra."

But Sehun thinks otherwise. "To radio host Jongdae Kim, thank you for inspiring me."

It's amazing how every moment was captured in a single tape: how Sehun's heartfelt profession of gratitude made Jongdae smile and glow more than ever.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_WEDNESDAY, December 8, 1999_ **

"Sehun!" Jongdae rushes to him. "What--you got a white cane?!"

He scratches his nape in embarrassment. "I think I'll just throw--"

"No! No, you're going to be fine. Trust me!" Jongdae clings their arms together. Sehun isn't the type to be clingy but… he guesses if it's Jongdae, it will be alright. Kyungsoo would scoff at him.

Sehun was clueless about their activity for today. The radio host said last time that he'd totally love the place. Well… Sehun couldn't think of any, though… After one tricycle ride, they made it to their destination.

"Watch your head," Jongdae said as he placed his hand on Sehun's head to avoid hitting the low ceiling of the vehicle. "Here's our payment, _manong_. Thank you!"

"Where are we?" Sehun could smell the smoke coming from cars. Instead of getting an answer, Jongdae just grabbed his hand to enter the establishment.

"Good morning!"

"Good morning _po_!" Jongdae greets back. The smell of old tapes and cardboard was nostalgic to Sehun. Even without the cane, he could navigate the whole place. It's his favorite place.

"A-are we… on _Video 48_?"

Jongdae nodded and looks at the old movie posters and tapes hanging around. It's a popular DVD and VHS rental shop around the area. "I heard Film students are crazy about this place."

He picks a DVD and hands it to Sehun. The latter runs his hand on the cover, savoring the rough texture. He then places it near his nose to smell. This is the scent of his youth.

"Do you have something to recommend for me?"

"What genre of a film do you watch?"

Jongdae thinks. "Hmm… anime!"

A smirk grows across Sehun's face. "Look for a copy of _Perfect Blue_ by Satoshi Kon."

"Okay!" The radio host was prancing around the shop down to the Japanese animation section. He skims through the whole selection until a shopkeeper helped him look for it. "Found it!"

"Watch it when you're about to sleep. It helped me on my sleepless nights." Sehun was pursing his lips.

But the smaller was suspicious. "Are you sure this isn't porn? The girl on the cover is too… sexy."

"No, it's not," He points forward to change the subject. "Let's go to the documentary section."

Sehun hopes Jongdae won't get sleepy with his recommendation.

LATER that night, Sehun receives a call from Jongdae.

 _"SEHUN! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS?!"_ He was furious which made Sehun laugh even more. He fell for it! _"It's too gore! I won't be able to sleep!"_

"I'm sorry! It's good, I promise. Watch it until the end!"

But Jongdae plans to turn it off. _"No! I mean… the cinematography and plot are good but… it's too much for me! I can’t sleep!"_

"Then don't hang up… I'll stay on the line until you fall asleep."

Their conversation kept going for hours. It was so random—from talking about their childhood, likes and dislikes, pets they had from the past, their crushes, concerts they’ve been to, arcade games, celebrity scandals, old women gossiping, Y2K bug, end of the world—all of it.

He heard Jongdae yawn from the other line. _“Oh gosh, it’s already 3 am…”_

“You should sleep now, Jongdae. Don’t you have classes later?”

 _“I do… let me stay for a little longer,”_ His voice was getting hoarse. _“I’d like to hear you sing, Sehun.”_

“I don’t sing.”

 _“I doubt that. I heard you singing along with_ Huwag Kang Matakot _the other day… Come on, please?”_

Sehun knows it’s ridiculous. He doesn’t sing that much. Yet he wanted to please Jongdae.

“Huwag kang matakot

'Di mo ba alam nandito lang ako

Sa iyong tabi

'Di kita pababayaan kailan man

At kung ikaw ay mahulog sa bangin

Ay sasaluhin kita…”

A few minutes more and he could hear the other one softly snoring. _Cute._ He didn't think he would be fast asleep. Sehun was about to press the 'end call' button but he couldn't. He wanted to stay longer.

"I wish I could see you, Jongdae," he closes his eyes. "I wonder what the world looks like with you in it."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_SATURDAY, December 11, 1999_ **

"Hey, want to attend _Simbang Gabi_ with me?" Jongdae randomly asked. They were just sitting there, basking under the sun, and doing yoga. He encouraged Sehun to exercise but the latter was lethargic. Yoga is the perfect exercise routine for him.

"I'm not sure… I think I'll just stay at home. My mom will probably attend, though." He’s just… so done with believing. He and his mother pray every night even after what happened, but nothing changes. He’s done begging.

"Why? It's nice to eat _puto bumbong_ or _bibingka_ after the mass. It'll be cold too like it is winter. I can wear my jacket and long sleeve shirts," He stretches his neck. "Besides… I can just join you guys. I just… don't want to go alone at dawn."

The scent of the sun sticking on their skin bothered Sehun. He sits up straight and extends his legs on the ground. “So you’re attending the dawn mass just to eat rice cakes and to flaunt your clothes?

“Hmm… if that’s what it looks like, then yes,” Jongdae’s whisker-like cheek dimple surfaces as he smiles widely. “I think praying is optional?”

Sehun’s forehead creased. Is he for real? “What?”

“Kidding. Of course, I’ll attend the mass to pray. I’m going to pray for myself, for my parents, for _tita_ , for your best friend…”

“What about me?”

Jongdae bumps his shoulder against Sehun’s. “I’m going to pray the rosary after the mass for you if you want. Forget about rice cakes.”

"Okay." The Film major said as he did the same thing to Jongdae.

"Okay?"

"December 16th at 4:30 am. Don't be late."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_THURSDAY, December 16, 1999_ **

It’s even colder during the earliest hours of the day. Jongdae gets to wear the jacket he mentioned before; he tries his best to look good not for other people, but Sehun. He looks way too handsome when he dresses formally and Jongdae gets flustered about it. How can someone look so good with pants, low-cut shoes, a white plain shirt, and a fitted plaid cardigan? But of course, he won’t admit it to Sehun.

“You’ve been ogling me for a while… do I look that good?” Sehun whispers as they wait for the parade of altar boys and the priest to end.

WHAT? He’s not supposed to know!

He tries to sound uninterested. “You wish.”

“Huh… is that the reason why you’ve been quiet ever since you saw me today?” Sehun smirks. It’s fun to tease this young man beside him. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to wear the best clothes and perfume for you.”

It doesn’t help that Sehun’s voice sounded husky! Good Lord!

The Holy Mass proceeded smoothly. From time to time, Jongdae dozes off, his head landing on Sehun’s shoulders. The taller doesn’t mind. He just leans in closer so the Jongdae would be much comfortable. Sehun’s mom who was sitting on the other side also dozes off. He lowers his body so both the radio host and his mother can sleep peacefully.

_“Our Father who art in heaven…”_

It was Jongdae who grabbed Sehun’s hand first, but the latter didn’t let go even after the song of praise has ended. And Sehun thinks he won’t be able to, ever.

THAT WAS their routine for the rest of the remaining _SImbang Gabi_. They attend the dawn mass early in the morning and eat at a local stall, usually _arrozcaldo_ or _goto_ with a takeout of _bibingka_ or _puto pumbong_. On some days, Sehun’s mom would cook the usual breakfast: fried rice, egg, _longganisa_ or _tocino_ , and hotdog. In those times when Jongdae forgot his jacket, Sehun would always come to rescue and give him his own. Of course, the former wouldn’t allow it… he’d just hug the taller.

Sehun became a morning person… and a better person. Jongdae became more and more inspired by his radio program and his studies. They became inseparable, a pair, and a thing.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_FRIDAY, December 24, 1999_ **

"Merry Christmas!"

Sehun got used to celebrating the holiday season with only his mom and him. His dad passed away five years ago while they only come to their hometown every other two years. He was lucky that they will stay here in Quezon City to celebrate Christmas… not only that, he gets to spend it with Jongdae, too.

"Merry Christmas, _tita_!" Jongdae greeted Sehun's mom back. They were both busy all day cooking _Noche Buena_ while Sehun tried his best to help them. "Here's my gift _po_. It's nothing grand but I hope you'll like it."

"Thank you, my dear! Son, Merry Christmas! Don't you have any present for mama?" His mom jokingly said. "I'm starting to think Jongdae's my real son here, not you."

Sehun hugs his mom. "I'm your biggest present, ma."

"Alright, alright," His mom laughs along with Jongdae. "The fact that you're safe and happy is what matters to me. That's your greatest gift to mama."

The radio host looks at them with a happy heart. He felt like this moment was so perfect that he wouldn’t exchange it for anything else. Jongdae was able to witness how Sehun slowly goes back to his old self and live his life in bliss and with no regrets. He couldn't ask for more.

Before, he was like Sehun: alone, terrified, and hurt. He spent his college days resenting himself for what happened to his parents. All of his relatives blame him for their death and there was no one else to turn to. He's alive but not living. He also wanted to disappear. To end everything. But then, a pivotal incident happened that completely changed his perspective in life. He wanted to live and to inspire, to heal people with his words… and that's when _Healing Night with Jongdae_ was formed. And because of that, he met Sehun which completely changed his whole life.

They began to say grace and started eating.

"Here, try this _sisig_ ," Sehun's mom served a portion on her son's plate. "Jongdae made that. It's an authentic dish from their province. I tasted it earlier and it's delicious!"

"Oh _tita_ , your beef stew is delicious, too," Jongdae answered. He puts rice on Sehun's place in turn. "The food is still hot, Sehun. Be careful."

"Aw. I thought you're going to feed me--ouch," Sehun holds the spot where Jongdae lightly hit him. "What? You do it all the time whenever we go on a food trip."

"Right now it's _Noche Buena_!" Jongdae's cheeks turn red. His mom's with them! But this guy beside him had the nerve to laugh and tease him!

Mrs. Oh was observing the two. "You know, no need to hide it from me. Are you guys dating?"

" _Po_?"

"Ma…"

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I shouldn’t get ahead of you guys…" She takes three tablespoons worth of beef stew. "But just so you know… You have my blessing."

" _Po_?!"

"Thanks, ma."

"Sehun!"

Laughter erupted from the dining table, one with a dumbfounded Jongdae and a naughty Sehun savoring the _sisig_.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"There are Christmas lights, too, with different colors. Red, white, blue, and the shape looks like--"

"--bells from the church?"

Jongdae nods and leans his head on Sehun's shoulder. "Yep. Bells from the church."

The lights reflect how they twinkle in their eyes. After the Noche Buena and helping Sehun's mom put away the dishes, they decided to hang out on the veranda. Sehun asked Jongdae to describe to him the scenery outside. The Christmas whiff along with its breeze embraces them both, but their heart feels warm. Mrs. Oh's remark earlier is still lingering in Jongdae's mind. _Blessing…_?

"What else do you see, Jongdae?"

"Hmm…" The smaller looks around. He saw a mistletoe hanging from a tree not far from them. "A mistletoe ornament."  
  
"A mistletoe? That's new," Sehun pulls him to get closer to the tree. "Can you take me under it?"

After a few steps, they've arrived at a spot right below the mistletoe. They were both looking up, Jongdae marveling at the shiny, gold-colored Christmas decoration while Sehun could ever think of was to _kiss_ this man he has learned to admire in a short amount of time. He tries not to, he's really trying his best not to because he wasn't sure if Jongdae feels the same way.

"You know that holiday tradition when you kiss the person you are with under the mistletoe?" The shorter said in a low voice. "It started in the 1st century AD when Celtic Druids conclude it should be a symbol of fertility and love for it blooms even in winter. Another one is from mythology; a goddess of love named Frigg declares it as a symbol of love for it helped resurrect her son Baldur--"

"Jongdae… Why are you telling me this?" Sehun tries his best to face him. He went closer… and closer… until it's enough to say that they look intimate rather than friendly.

"I'm saying you should kiss me, Sehun," his breath hitched. He's gonna get cross-eyed if he continues to stare at this beautiful man in front of him, so Jongdae fixed his eyes on Sehun's shirt. "Kiss me underneath the mistletoe."

"Thought you'd never ask," The taller reaches for Jongdae's face, thumbs tracing the outline of his lips. He swears to the heavens that if he won't say it now, he might not be able to tell him ever. "I… I like you."

Jongdae tips his toes and plants a short kiss on Sehun's lips. The latter was stunned by the sudden attack! Where did that come from?! "Silly, I liked you first. And I like you even more."

"No…" This time, Sehun does it right. He cups Jongdae's face, making sure he won't move, and aims for his soft lips that Sehun believes deserve more attention. Slow, sensual, sweet. Inexperienced, yes, but that's what makes it more special. Sehun smiles as he felt the man underneath him roam his hands around his waist. He gives it another pressure before breaking the kiss. "I think I like you _more_ than you do."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_TUESDAY, December 28, 1999_ **

There hasn't been a single day that they were apart ever since they confessed to each other. Sehun was with Jongdae during the past two days that he had to go to the studio for _Healing Night with Jongdae_. Just like what his best friend Kyungsoo said, it's even more difficult to see Sehun now than it was before. But he's happy that his best friend is happy, and Kyungsoo could also tell that Jongdae is a good influence on him and that's what matters.

Their favorite hangout place was the veranda of Sehun's home. It's sort of a memorable place for them since Christmas eve. Not that they've been together for too long… it's just that what happened that night was magical. There was this strange feeling of contentment and happiness.

"I forgot about your Christmas present," Sehun hands him a box big enough to fit a book in it. Is it a book? "Sorry, it took me long. It's special, that's why."

"Oh… I thought you're my Christmas gift…" He said as he carefully unwraps it. There he finds a bunch of fluffy papers and a big VHS tape. It has a white masking tape plastered on both sides, in it were words carefully written using a black marker.

**_Miracles in December_ **

"It's a short film I've been working on for the past few weeks. Ever since you told me to give myself a chance, I've been recording and editing with one of my Film buddies nonstop so I'd be able to make it on time for Christmas."

A pause. Sehun doesn't know what was Jongdae's reaction since he couldn’t see nor hear anything from him. He grew worried, thinking the smaller was disappointed with--

His thoughts were interrupted as soon as he heard a faint sob. "J-Jongdae? Did you not like it--"

"Thank you!" Sehun felt a tight hug coming from his boyfriend. Tears trailed on his shirt, revealing that Jongdae is crying. He held him tight. "You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you, Sehun. I am proud of you."

"Why are you crying?" Now he's about to cry too.

"It’s just that… you made it. You finally made it, Sehun. This is the first of many movies you'll make in the future," Jongdae lets out another sob. "And I'm honored to have one of the first copies!"

"I couldn't have done it without you."

Jongdae breaks their hug. He's proud to see his boyfriend strive hard for his passion. They both did it… Jongdae with his radio program and now Sehun with his film. He couldn't ask for more. "Let's watch it now!"

But Sehun holds his hand. "No, not now. Let's watch it at the New Year celebration."

Oh, shoot… Jongdae forgot to tell him about that.

"I might not be able to spend the New Year's eve here," the smaller combs Sehun's hair, smoothing it out and giving light massages. "I'll visit my parents' grave and my relatives in hometown to pay respect, then I'll be back on January 2."

Jongdae should get used to Sehun staring straight at him by now even if he can't see. And yet it's something that he looks forward to every time he's with him. "I won't be able to see you until next year, then?"

"Oh don’t be such a crybaby!" He teases. "We can celebrate it and watch the short film on the 30th before I leave in the morning of 31st."

"Won't it be too much of a hassle for you? A lot of people are still trying to get to their hometowns--"

Jongdae's lips crashing on to Sehun's was what made him shut up. He could see how this young man blushes. "I already have bus tickets."

Being the cheeky guy he is, Sehun pouts while he continued talking. "But you'd feel tired by the time you get home--"

Another peck on the lips. "It's just a 2 and a half hour trip, Hun."

Another pout. "But I'll miss you so much."

Another kiss. "Good. At least we won't get tired of each other."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

" _Tita_ , let me help you with those." Jongdae greeted Sehun's mom who came from the market to get some groceries. Sehun was in his room, learning how to read with braille.

"Why thank you, _iho_ ," She greeted back. "Is Sehun asleep? Are you hungry? I can cook something for you since it's almost 7 pm."

"It's okay _po_ , _tita_. I'm not yet hungry. I'll just get a glass of orange juice for Sehun."

Mrs. Oh looks at Jongdae with fondness. She's beyond grateful that he came into their lives. "Jongdae, my dear… thank you for taking care of my son. Oh, I just wish his papa is here so he'd see how Sehun has become a lot stronger…"

"I'm also thankful that you and Sehun became part of my life, _tita_. It's been ages since I had a home." Jongdae holds Mrs. Oh's hand.

"I guess it's really the Lord's will to let my son become like this…" The woman became teary-eyed.

Which reminds Jongdae to ask about how Sehun became blind. The Film major never spoke about it and he understands that. But a part of him wants to know about the incident. " _Tita_ , I hope you won't mind me asking… since Sehun hasn't opened up yet to me… when and how did he lose his sight?"

He heard her sigh. "It was a traffic accident that happened three months ago. They said a young man was suddenly crossing the road. The jeepney driver tried to avoid hitting him but failed to do so, causing the truck behind them to crash onto the jeep. No one was held accountable since the truck driver was also dead and the jeepney driver was able to pay for the bail. As for the young man… I heard it was proven that he was mentally unstable that time, that's why the case was dismissed."

Wait… wait. What…

_Hey! Don’t cross the road! It's dangerous!_

_Someone get that guy!_

_Is he out of his mind?!_

"W-where did this happen, _tita_?" Please… please don't tell him it's…

"On C. Garcia Avenue, near Sta. Maria Parish Church."

What… what's happening…

Jongdae couldn't breathe. He needs to get out of there before his shaking feet fail him. He tried his best to hide the pain and the ill will building up inside him. Please, no… tell him this is not happening. Tell him this isn't true…

He's the reason why Sehun got in an accident. He's the reason why he lost his sight. He's the cause of Sehun's misery, the one who took away the chance to live his dreams! And yet he dared to approach him using the very thing that started all of this?!

To hell with that radio program! He doesn’t deserve to be loved by Sehun!

" _T-tita_ … I'll… I h-have to go… I remembered I had to fix a few things for… for my program tomorrow… I'll just text Sehun to let him know…" He slowly walks away from Sehun's mother. "I… _I'm sorry._ "

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_THURSDAY, December 30, 1999_ **

Sehun rests his hand on his waist, satisfied with the simple setup he had made for the advanced New Year's Eve celebration he promised Jongdae. With the help of his mom and his best friend, he prepared small _lusis_ fireworks, fountain fireworks, and a bundle of _Pop Pop_ firecrackers. A picnic blanket was also lying on the floor, along with improvised _Media Noche_ that consists of rice, grilled hotdog, barbecue, and _menudo_. _Leche flan_ was also present along with beverages.

"It's already 11:30 pm, my dear… has Jongdae called you yet?" Sehun heard his mom from behind. He texted him yesterday to tell him that they'd be meeting around 11 PM at their house... He didn't get a text back from him but he tuned in to _Healing Night with Jongdae_. He sounds a little less jolly than he usually does so after the program, he called him but it could not be connected. He understands that Jongdae won't be able to answer his messages all the time since Christmas break is almost over and college students have a lot of stuff to submit. He hopes that Jongdae is eating on time and gets enough rest.

They were supposed to watch his short film before midnight strikes, but since his boyfriend is running late, they might just have to do it after welcoming the "New Year." Sehun wonders what's taking him so long, but he believes he'll arrive anytime soon.

He sits on the blanket and savors the air. He cannot imagine he'd welcome the year 2000 with someone that completely healed him. _Healing Night with Jongdae_ has given him the courage to move forward with his life, how Jongdae himself has brought him an unmeasurable amount of happiness and strength. He learned how to live and to be alive.

He's ready to face anything as long as he's with Jongdae.

A few minutes had passed and Sehun dozed off. His mom wakes him up. "Have you tried calling him?"

"I did, earlier… he wasn't answering."

Mrs. Oh encouraged him to call Jongdae again. It rang for a very long time before he finally picks it up. "Dae, where are you? Are you all right?"

Only the static on the line along with deep breaths was heard. Sehun grows worried about Jongdae. "Jongdae. I said are you all right? Why aren't you answering my messages? Are you on your way? I'm worried about you--"

 _"D-don’t…"_ another heavy sigh. _"Don't… worry about me, Sehun… I'm… okay. It's just… I can't make it tonight."_

"What? Why? Are you swamped with submissions? I'll just come over and help--"

_"No! I… I'm sick. I think I have caught the flu. Please… don't worry about me. Don't bother to come here."_

"But you sound unwell… I cannot let you be on your own, especially now that you're sick. You're leaving tomorrow, right? I don't want to send you home in that state. At least let me take care of you--"

 _"How are you going to take care of me, Sehun?! You can't…"_ Hearing those words from Jongdae hurts… that in reality, Sehun cannot do anything to help him because he's blind… and useless…

 _"I'll hang up now. I'm still leaving for tomorrow's trip. I'll be fine with a couple of tablets so, please… Worry about yourself, Sehun,"_ Jongdae gathers his strength to say this to Sehun. _"I'm sorry."_

The call ended, leaving Sehun hurt and confused.

He refuses to admit that the man he just talked to now is Jongdae… that is not Jongdae. The man he learned to like--to love, even--is not him. His Jongdae is gentle, kind, and speaks with honesty and sincerity. What he heard is just a prank, right? Did someone steal his phone and pretended to be him?

"Ma… I'm going to Jongdae's boarding house." Sehun said with finality. But his mom, of course, does not allow him.

"My son, it's already almost midnight… There are no jeepneys available at this hour. Taxi is expensive and risky too--"

"Ma…" the fear inside Sehun that he hasn’t felt for a very long time resurfaces. He knows that if he won't get ahold of Jongdae, it might be too late. He grows desperate every second. "I need to talk to him. I want to see him… please, please."

"I'll try to call him, Sehun, but I cannot promise you anything," his mom said. She ushers him to go inside their house and into his room. "Please get some rest first. I'll tell you if I hear anything from him. I'm sure he'll be fine, my son."

No. He wanted to leave. He wants to hold Jongdae, he wants to understand him and ask him what's happening. But Sehun knows he won't be able to do that because… because he's blind. He's fucking blind and he hates it. He hates himself for not being able to do anything at all.

_Please come home, Jongdae._

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_SATURDAY, January 8, 2000_ **

_Healing Night with Jongdae_ was made out of a promise to himself that no matter what happens, Jongdae will keep on fighting against all of his problems in life. He wanted someone to console him, to hear those comforting words; he knows what it feels like to be alone, to be isolated, to be different. It was difficult. And so, after that dreading day--the day he almost died--he did his best to mend himself… and for the people who have lost their lives because of him.

It still haunts him every night. The guilt, disappointment, and pain were buried deep inside Jongdae. He's still living his life and every step he takes weighs the burden on him. For him, to be alive was not a blessing, but a punishment. A curse. Retribution for what happened to his parents and those people in the incident. And when Sehun came into his life, the burden lessened. He earned a sense of purpose; he gave himself a chance to be free, to love, to inspire.

But the joke's on him.

"Jongdae, are you really leaving?" His coworker taps his shoulder. "You know it wouldn't be the same without you."

He places his things inside the box. "I'm sure the new host will do well. Besides… I don't deserve to be on that spot anymore."

Other people inside the studio bid him farewell. As much as he wants to stay and to continue, Jongdae's conscience wouldn't allow him. Not when he has caused so much pain to someone he loved so dearly.

He walks at the very path where he and Sehun used to pass through. So many memories were made in a small amount of time. He surely would like to cherish them for as long as he could, for it was a dream-like December.

 _Miracles in December_.

He takes a detour to Sunken Garden. This is where he and Sehun first met. He wanted to take a good look for the last time. Jongdae brings out the VHS tape that contains Sehun's short film. He doesn't have the heart to watch it and he thinks he's not entitled to do so. He also brought out a cassette tape that holds a voice recording of Jongdae. There are embossed braille letters.

_To Sehun_

"Why are you doing this?"

He looks at the man in front of him. Jongdae places the things on the bench that he intends to give him. "Just please take care of Sehun, Kyungsoo."

"You know it doesn't have to end like this, Jongdae!" Sehun's best friend became furious. "After you urged and inspired him to live again, you expect Sehun to accept your decision? Without even talking to him? Do you even realize what you’re doing?"

"I'm sorry."

And with that, Jongdae turned his back from Kyungsoo and from all the things he learned to love.

.ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅►|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı.

_Sehun._

_It's… it's Jongdae…_

_I know you'd recognize my voice. You told me that before. And just like what I always tell you, I'm thankful that you didn't fail to see me. You chose to listen to some random guy you just heard on the radio. You chose to take the risks of meeting a stranger just to ask about a radio program's schedule, to go with him in a studio in exchange for hearing your favorite program live, to go out on simple dates with him, to fall in love with him. You chose me._

_And… I think the heavens let you meet me not to make you happy… but… to pay for the suffering I've caused you and your mom._

_It's me. I'm the person who did this to you. I'm that stupid, crazy bastard crossing the road. The one who took away your sight, who hindered you from making your dreams come true._

_And I'm sorry. I'm sorry… you don't deserve this. You don't deserve someone like me. You deserve better, Sehun. I cannot face you again with the guilt entrenched in me. I only wish for your happiness and safety and yet these are the things I took away from you._

_I hope you'll forgive me… because I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself for hurting you._

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_SATURDAY, December 23, 2000_ **

"Signing out?"

"Yes, _bapa_ ," Jongdae greets the security guard. "I'll go ahead. See you on Monday!"

Busy townspeople were scattered on the streets; some sell barbecue and different rice cakes, others are making their final touches for Christmas, while a few were restless about the Giant Lantern Festival that's going to happen in an hour. It's a yearly celebration and lantern competition in Jongdae's hometown that everybody looks forward to, even outsiders from Manila. His province earnestly lives up to its title of "Christmas Capital of the Philippines."

 _Christmas._ Jongdae softly smiled as he scans the whole area. It's the most wonderful time of the year… and the most memorable one for him. He has always thought of Sehun. He wonders if he continued making films if he still buys ice cream for himself, or worries if he spills a sauce on his shirt. Jongdae hopes he always brings a handkerchief with him.

As for him, he's trying not to die early. After dropping out of college and resigning from the radio program, he decided to go back to his hometown and find a job at a local radio station so he won't have to live off of his aunt. He's still diffident about going on air so he only assists the announcer and writes scripts for him. It wasn't easy at first, but he has to do it. He believes he should continue to live to atone for what he has done.

Since the radio station is near the festival's venue, he couldn't avoid the bustling crowd and influx of vehicles gathering towards the event. At this point, he won't be able to pass through it, so he figured he should just watch the competition.

"Excuse me…" he was able to find a good spot far from the giant lantern and high enough to see it. A few moments more and the event has started. Everyone, including Jongdae, was so focused on the lanterns. A few people brought their digicams and their camcorder to capture the moment.

Bright lights and joyful Christmas carol filled the whole venue. Back-to-back lantern shows were presented and it might be tough to determine the winner for this year.

_"...please put your hands together for Barangay Telabastagan!"_

"Is this the last lantern to present?"

Jongdae was quick to look at the person beside him. There revealed a young man looking dapper and handsome; his defined familiar features linger on Jongdae's mind that he won't ever forget. His eyes were fixed straight forward, while Jongdae tries to take his gaze off of him.

What is Sehun doing here?

How did he get here? Does he know it's Jongdae he's talking to? He still cannot see him, can he? If Jongdae tweaks his voice a little, then he wouldn't be able to know it's him. He should get out of here before Sehun finds out.

Jongdae gulps, trying to compose himself. "Yes."

Not true. Jongdae wasn't sure. He lost track of the lanterns' order. He just wanted to get out of there, to be away from Sehun. He quietly took a step back. And another. And another--

"Can you help me take a video of the lanterns?" Sehun reveals his camcorder from his hand. He looks on the spot where Jongdae was standing. That must be why he's here. Is he making another short film? A documentary?

Jongdae tries to sound like a different person again. "Sorry, I can't."

He's running away. Again. Like how he ran away from Sehun before.

The crowd was no help; there was an endless number of people he has to pass through before he reaches the main road. The carol was ringing in his ear, it was merry and festive but his heart was breaking.

"Jongdae!" A hand swiftly pulls him from behind and catches him. "Please…"

"I'm not Jongdae!"

"Enough… don't run away from me…" Sehun embraces him as tight as he could. "Don't punish yourself anymore."

"I said… I said I'm not him…" Jongdae breaks into tears.

"Blind or not, I could recognize you everywhere. You're Jongdae. The one who helped me get through it all. The one who inspired me to dream and to love again."

"He's also the reason why you became blind!" He pushes Sehun away. "That Jongdae could not forgive himself!"

"Even if I already forgave you? Even if I can see you now?" Sehun wipes away his tears. Jongdae's still beautiful as ever. He knows how much his _boyfriend_ blames himself for what happened. "I can't bring myself to hate you, Dae. Believe me, I tried. I wanted to forget you but I couldn't. And so I promised to myself that I should find you after I recover from my surgery. I was so desperate to have you back."

Jongdae shakes his head. Is it selfish for him to say he's happy? "I'm happy for you, Sehun. But what about me? I still cannot accept the fact that I put you in danger. That those people involved died because of me."

"That's why I'm here. Let me help you. You don't have to go through this alone, Jongdae. You have me."

Even the biggest and the loudest fireworks in the sky cannot beat the deafening cry inside Jongdae's heart; it must be because of the longing, acceptance, and love he started to feel after a long time.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_THURSDAY, April 12, 2001_ **

_"…learn how to forgive yourself. Only by then, you will realize that you don't have to lose important people in your life."_

Sehun fondles the radio beside him. His dose of healing is on air right now and he cannot miss it. Today's segment holds a special place in his heart.

It's been months since he found Jongdae again. Christmas last year was extra special knowing that Sehun had him by his side, but it wasn't easy. They had gone through a series of breakdowns and what-ifs. It took Jongdae long enough to free himself from the guilt that has been holding him down from loving Sehun. He patiently waited. Sehun showered him with love and assurance that it wasn't Jongdae fault. It's no one else's fault.

Back when Jongdae left him nothing but a voice recording, Sehun doesn't know if the pain he felt was from the truth or was from the fact that Jongdae had disappeared without facing him. His world got darker than ever. He also needed space and time to process everything. His mom and Kyungsoo were also shocked by the revelation and it took them months to accept and acknowledge that Jongdae isn't the one to blame for this.

Around August last year, Sehun decided to take another risk. He wanted to see Jongdae… literally and figuratively. With the help of a few relatives, he was able to receive a corneal transplant. He had undergone surgery and therapies so he could gain his sight back. Thankfully, it was successful; his search for Jongdae was also successful.

_"And before I end the Thursday segment, I'd like to wish someone a happy birthday."_

Oh, god. Jongdae and his tactics. His voice. He's now back with hosting _Healing Night with Jongdae_. He's going to make a birthday dedication! Is that still popular?

 _"To the man who taught and helped me forgive and love myself. To the person who has put his trust in me and never failed to make me happy. To my Sehun… Happy birthday, love. Thank you for continuously listening to me,"_ He heard Jongdae chuckle. _"This song is for you and people like you. Here's Moonstar88's 'Fall on Me.' This has been Healing Night with Jongdae giving you warmth every Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays at 6 pm here on MOR 148.5."_

Why did he have to be this cheesy?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Hun, I'd like to watch the short film you made before," Jongdae looks at Sehun whose head was resting on his lap. He caresses his boyfriend's hair. "That… _Miracles in December_."

"I thought you watched that before you gave it back to me?" He smiles at the taller. His eyes were the same as the last time he stared at him… nothing much changed except the fact that Sehun can see him now.

Jongdae shakes his head. "Back then I didn’t have the heart to do so."

Sehun stands up and fetches for the VHS tape hidden in one of his collections. He goes back into the living room where he and Jongdae were hanging out and pops the tape inside a player. "I haven't watched it too."

"What? Why?"

"I want to watch it with you." He sits beside Jongdae after setting up the television. Sehun wraps his arms around Jongdae's shoulder, almost spooning him. He kisses his temple and his cheek.

The film plays on the TV.

_\- Hi! I'm Jongdae Kim. Today, Sehun decided to open this camcorder again. I hope he'll be able to make a film soon! To Director Sehun Oh, you can do it! I can't wait for the story you'd like to tell._

Jongdae puts his hand on his mouth in surprise. It's him!

_\- What kind of story would you like to see?_

_\- Hmm… The kind of story that will show how you worked hard in achieving your dreams again._

_\- Would you like to star in my film?_

_\- Oh, my! I'm a radio host, not an actor… Well, if you insist! I'd like to be part of it, even if I'm only an extra._

_\- To radio host Jongdae Kim, thank you for inspiring me._

It captures the moment where Jongdae was looking behind the camera while smiling lovingly at Sehun.

The next scene was a shot of a radio cassette playing random noises until a familiar voice started to speak. It's Jongdae's voice… a segment dated back to 1999. Jongdae remembers that day because it was after he had met Sehun and have shown him his camcorder for the first time.

Another scene pops in where he and Sehun were randomly doing yoga. Another one is a shot of a cat being fed by Jongdae. Their moments together, big or small, all of it was compiled into a montage. Even their outfits from _Simbang Gabi_ were featured by 2-3 seconds.

The last one was a wide shot of their veranda. It was the Christmas Eve of December 1999. The perfect moment where they kissed underneath the mistletoe…

"You're my Miracles in December, Jongdae. You will always be."

"Sehun…" The smaller stares directly at his lover with teary eyes. The short film has ended but it replays nonstop in Jongdae's mind. "I love you."

"Silly, I love you more than you do."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading until the end! I didn't expect for it this to be THIS long! I wanted to make a slowburn au but,,, :---D I just wish I could do better. But really, thank you very much!


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